#12: The story of your life.
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I got some interesting reading assigned during my first session with a coach. There was this HBR article on Discovering Your Authentic Leadership, and it felt so familiar.
It reminded me of the first time I got introduced to stoicism and felt like finding out that what I considered to be my special life philosophy had a name. —There are others, I thought to myself; there always were. Or when I learned that my view of learning is called Growth Mindset. And authentic leadership is really about the growth mindset, knowing that we can all inspire others; but we must first work on our personal growth and development.
I understand that learning can be accelerated when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to admit what we don’t know and what are the shortcomings. So I entered this coaching relationship with being completely open, exposing my weaknesses, my deepest fears, and emotional traumas. Getting coached is a lot like seeing a therapist — they can’t help you if you aren’t honest and/or if you aren't ready to get help.
What is it about trusting strangers more than our closest ones? Maybe it’s because we feel that the stranger doesn’t judge, and even if they do — they’re a stranger, safely distanced from our daily lives. I surely suffer from that. I’m usually great with the first impression, able to build a solid relationship on a whim, but it rarely goes deeper. —Yes, that’s one of the things I’d like to work on.
Then there are mentors. I come from a working-class family, from a city that’s wasn't bursting with innovation, where the average was put on the pedestal. Whoever tried to get out of that average was pulled back, dreams shattered, imagination beaten down. People like us don’t do things like that. So when that teenage me learned that a mentor can be anyone you look up to, a whole new world opened up.
That was when Thomas J. Watson told me that I don’t have to stay in that environment. That it’s fine to quit the working-class game and get out in the world in pursuit of happiness. I packed my car and left the bankrupted industrial town, left the country. It wasn’t easy and it wasn’t fast, but I learned that hard work, discipline, and faith can take a man over great distances. The gasoline for my ambition was never hunger for money, but the fear of failure. Fear of ending up a miserable fuck like so many from our street back home in Maribor.
According to the aforementioned HBR article, fear, trauma, and difficult life experiences motivate many of the authentic leaders. It's about reframing these events to rise above the challenges and discover the passion to lead.
Whenever I’m working to become a better version of myself, I still imagine the worst-case scenario. It’s living in that street where I grew up, being what’s honorably called a regular guy. The neighbors like, respect, and tolerate him, and he fits in. I never wanted to fit in (there). —I don’t; mission accomplished.
What struck me most was this quote that "The story of your life is not your life; it is your story." —So it's not the actual events, but about the narrative and what you tell yourself. This means you're the screenwriter of your play called life. So go ahead and tell yourself the best story you can imagine. Every. Single. Day.
Stay Hungry; Stay Foolish.
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